Monthly Residency: Hundred Waters (Week 1)
For Feburary’s Monthly Residency, Gainesville’s Hundred Waters will be contributing a journal piece every Friday throughout the month.
This is a piece on Jive. It has three parts:
I. An unguarded presentation in pictures
II. Open arms to only the webs’ most exclusive idols
III. Ridonk music there’s really no reason to avoid
Your time is your most valuable asset,
— Harold Walters
We just texted the fellow on the right: “should we place your buttocks on PORTALS?” to which he replied “I would be honored”.
We once happened to stay in the same hotel as The Sheep Dogs, and they’re a real big deal. The next day we woke to find their tour bus missing, with a pile of their trash in its place. We eStalked them and found them soundchecking in nearby venue, so we gathered up their garbage, drove it to the venue, walked up in there and delivered it right back to them.
We took individual portraits, after which it became important to combine them into a single Re-Jesus of good intentions.
This is where we got our start: our first tour, when our band was Levek. The van died on the first day so we had to rent a Budget moving van out of desperation. Day and night we lived in the back of the moving van. During the day, we rode in the darkness, groaning and growing slime. At night, we slept together like a pack of feral children in the cold.
each communication addresses another
like here: very generally, english speakers who won’t kill us
(which leaves open all eng speakers, as ya’ll can’t even get at us)
William Erik Michael Kreizner though? he’ll never speak to you.
that’s because he’ll address only the Jacksonville FL within.
while most generally we’d like to remain alive while communicating in english,
most specifically i’d like to communicate directly to William Erik Michael Kreizner
assuming he looks into his site analytics to be led to this message:
I speak to you as Hundred Waters, an organization best known for its traveling Customer Satisfaction Guaranteed Quality Value Rewards Program. A former impact player of ours, Allen Scott, met you in a cafeteria at UNF and later relayed to us your concepts concerning the physics of battle. We were immediately taken.
We were hoping to use this opportunity to ask if you about your work. Specifically, how did you begin developing Tactical Physics? Was it out of necessity in the battlefield or was it under more objective conditions? The pictures of the equations are breathtaking. Why present so brutal a mathematics in such beautiful, expressionist form? It seems to remark on the intellectual community’s fall from poetry since Gurdjieff. What happened to us?
We would be more than grateful if you chose to use the comments box at the foot of this page to continue this conversation.
Thanks in advance for your informative response,
— Hundred Waters”
O Eht Namuh, perhaps you take us for puppeteered buffoons, fool systems, disheveled jesters in the court of your dark universe. Perhaps you think we are just another Selection of Pretenders tugging on your cool & calculated coattails.
“O Eht Namuh, but we say we can offer you more, for a higher Quality Value. For we have the inexhaustable gift of need. How we toss out our weary arms in frustration! We remain eternally lost. Questions have always scraped at the inside of our heads: Why is all this way? What is answers from? Why we are not Big n Rich? What knew? Why is nuclear?
O Eht Namuh, we have asked all the spectral idols of our miserable race these questions time and again to no avail. Desperate are we, choking beetles on some bone dry moon basin, aimless and dejected. Our need for your council grows with each forgotten morning.
O Eht Namuh, we beg you, on weak and scrape-ed knees, let us, the most insignificant of your shriveled mortal servants, let us absorb your lessons so that we may. Let us return. Let us return. Fuck Mark Morrison. Return us, Eht Namuh. Us.
This song is fit for a fluorescent royal jig filled with Jodorowsky characters wearing smeared lipstick and moving erratically, a scenario we find ourselves in all too often.
National Pride will swell inside of you while enjoying this sentimental ballad by BJ Snowden. It can be listened to in any corner of our fine country with guaranteed successful results.
This one is actually good.
The first music we heard from these gentlemen was a compilation called “The Essential Fripp and Eno”. On it is some of the most beautiful music ever heard–”Swastika Girls”, “Evening Star”, etc. At the tail end, though, is the same bizzaro barnyard track played four times in a row. When the album is used as sleep music, this track appears well after you’ve drifted off, helping to cultivate a janky insanity in the subconscious mind.
In 7th grade, PG said “dude, Tray, THIS”, and threw on his flyest Winamp visualizer.